august

I will be 49 in a couple weeks and have not even made it halfway to my goal. I just seem to have lost my ambition. I am really in a shitty mood lately and I can't seem to get out of this funk if anyone has any suggestions i would love them.

back to the start

 I am back on track I gained 10 pounds back! I have been living in denial and went back to healthy eating on saturday I have lost a pound since then so yeah me!

starting over

It has been a while since I blogged because I am ashamed of myself. I have not been doing well at all. I have as of this morning I gained back 10 pounds. I am so bummed .so I made a new commitment to get back on track and  gave myself some leeway to get it all out of my system ( the crappy eating) so starting July 8th I am going back to what I was doing in January. I am waiting till June 8th because I will be done my holidays then. No more excuses! So keep the good thoughts coming my way.

more trials and tribulation AKA drama

so I went to the doc a few months ago after weeks of having a pain in my side thought it was maybe gas but it went on and on so the doc ordered some tests including an ultrasound. turns out they have no idea what the pain was but in the process of looking into the pain they found a tumor on my adrenal gland. now there is a huge chance that the tumor is benign apparently they most often are found by accident and most often are benign. I believe it is benign 99% of the time but the 1% is freaking me out. if anyone has any info on this I would appreciate it.
on a more positive note I have been exercising way more but not up to par on the food still working on it so I think I can get back on line.

up and down

I am not doing very well, I have still not lost any weight and have been eating whatever I want. Not good. I have on the other hand been getting quit a bit of exercise which is good because otherwise I would have gained weight. I have lost all my motivation and I am really struggling to get it back. I have been doing some soul searching trying to figure out why and I am at a loss. I am going back to the counsellor and am hoping to get help and find my motivation again. I also know that I have been very down and not myself so I am hoping  that the counsellor will help with that too.

spring....finally

Finally we have spring! I can walk outside I guess I can walk outside all year but it gets pretty cold here so I don't I hate cold. I feel that I am back on track with the exercise but I have been getting out of control with the food...shit. also Mats birthday is on Thursday and that always throws me for a loop he is always on my mind but the days leading up to his birthday or the anniversary of his death I shut down. it is getting better as the years go by but it still happens. I really miss him and I have so much guilt and so many regrets . I have not gained weight but I haven't lost any for over a month I need to get back on track  and i will do it I just need a kick in the ass.


My Mat I love you son and I miss you everyday

excersize

I have not blogged for a while because I am ashamed of myself. I have not exercised for at least 2 weeks,  I have not been eating properly and has not lost any weight for a month! Well I hope that I can get back on track asap I bought a bike its sweet and I rode it to work yesterday It was pretty easy going to work its all downhill coming home was a challenge but I only had to walk the last 2 blocks I figure before the end of the summer I should be able to make it all the way without walking. As for the eating I need to get back on track but I need some new ideas for chicken and fish I am really bored with what I am eating. I am mentally back on track now I just need to get all the way there.