End of Month 1

Well I did it! I made it through the first month fairly unscathed. I lost 16  pounds and I didn`t give in to temptations. I am here to tell you it was hardest this last week. I found that I really craved junk food and although I didn`t cave I really wanted to. I also found that I don`t want to exercise anymore I am tired but I still go. I have a friend that I walk with and she is leaving town for a while and I am hoping I continue. All my earlier enthusiasm has toned down immensely. I know that I won`t eat crap and will continue to walk because again the end result is well worth it, but its an uphill battle and its so hard. All I can promise right now is that I will continue my battle but sure could use some feedback.

temptations

It has been a few days since I blogged been busy. I had a pretty interesting week, as of fridays weigh in I am down 16 pounds! Its really hard work and there are temptations so many temptations. I have a mantra that really helps...."IS it worth it?" it usually isn't and I have not fallen. I guess its more important to be healthy then to eat crap.

Goals

I have made a lot of goals for myself in this journey and I have achieved two of them and I am so pumped. I guess that is why its recommended to set goals, break them down so they are achievable and when you reach them you can celebrate and move on to the next one. my first weight loss goal was to be out of the 300's well I did it! my next one is to increase my exercise. we will see how that goes. sometimes I make a snap decision to do something and as I am pretty stubborn I stick to it. Last March I decided I was over the whole smoking thing and after over 30 years of smoking I quit. I used a devise called an inhaler for about a week then I was done. I can't say it was easy but it needed to be done and sometimes I miss it, but not enough to start again. And the emphysema diagnosis kinda helps me not go back. This week I decided to stop drinking Diet Coke. if you know me you know how huge this is. I stopped to think how long I have been drinking it and decided again it was time to pack it in. well the headaches have been incredible but i endured and they have calmed down a lot. I know that this is good and I will continue to stay away from both smokes and diet coke but it will be weird for everyone, my nephew once told me that he doesn't remember me ever not having a smoke or a diet coke in my hand, he is 37, so it was well past time.

" The way I see it you can either run from it or learn from it"- Rafiki from The lion King

I have spent many years of my life running from things and hoping they would go away. They don't and in fact many get worse. I ran to England when my marriage ended, I ran to Dawson when I felt that I had burned all my bridges in Alberta and was about to run when Mat died but then I met Tony and I stayed. My  regrets about the choosing to run to England are so many that I am ashamed to talk about it. Moving to Dawson was also a mistake, because I believe I could have changed many things that happened after I moved. But had I not moved I never would have met Tony. this summer I felt like quiting my job everyday but didn't I couldn't afford it for one but I also needed to learn to stay and not run at the first sign of things getting uncomfortable. I learned a lot about myself from this, and have changed my outlook on life immensely. I have started and gave up on weight loss so many times in the past that I can't count I have lived in denial of the weight I was gaining,I am at at point where all I wear is black stretchy pants and really big shirts I can't bend over to tie my shoes so I tie them just enough that I can slide into them. my weight had reached an all time high of 316 pounds just before Christmas. I
Today I reached my first weight loss goal, to be under 300 pounds. It felt good and it felt bad, good because I did it and bad because I had to do it!


the first time I lost weight ,I am the one in the jean shorts. I still have the shorts I am hoping they fit me by next summer.

Diet = DIE with a T

Today I went to my first meeting of the 12 week weight loss program with the dietitian. There are a group of us learning to be healthy and lose weight the "right" way as opposed to dieting. I was about to say that diets don't work but actually they do work every weird and wacky one of them. The problem is that they are impossible to sustain for the rest of your life. You will lose weight but it is hard to keep it off because you and I both know you are not going to eat cabbage or grapefruit the rest of your life, and that is exactly what has to be done in order to keep that weight off. Healthy lifestyle is different you may not lose 100 pounds in 3 months but with healthy eating habits and exercise you will lose weight and as it is a lifestyle change it can be kept off. I want you to think about someone you know that lost weight...... is the first question that you ask "how did you do it?" if you say no then your lying. We ( and by we I mean every overweight person everywhere) are looking for that quick easy fix. Think about how much money you have spent buying diet pills,books,food,videos,etc. we want a miracle and as fat people we are inherently lazy. don't think so? think about your activity level right now if you are still not living healthy , and if you are think about your activity level before. you did not get fat from eating right and being active. I was very sedentary I went out only to go to work and walk the dog and the walk took maybe 5-10 minutes just long enough so she could go to the bathroom. I was eating junk food daily and not apologising for it, I did not care that I was over 300 pounds my way to deal with that was buy big clothes and not weigh myself. I would make half hearted attempts to exercise but would give up giving one of many pat excuses, my knees hurt, I am too tired from work and the best one my feet are really sore from work, I could go on forever, and have. The beginning of the end was when my husband lost 60 pounds, bastard! He stopped indulging in the junk with me. we were like to heroin addicts who egged each other on. we watched biggest loser together and kidded ourselves that we were not that bad, while eating junk food. when he lost weight and stopped eating crap with me it kind of took the wind out of my sails, I actually tried to peer pressure him into eating his favorite junk with me He refused. One day I was whining that we never went out anymore (we used to go out for dinner 2 or 3 times a week), so the next day he said we were going for Chinese because he missed it. I know that wasn't why, my husband loves me and I shamelessly used that to get my way. at the time it was a victory now I am ashamed. Now Tony Inspires me, he supports my efforts and is my biggest fan its pretty awesome and I am pretty lucky.

How to get fat without even trying.

People who have never had a weight issue often wonder why other people choose to get fat?! well I am here to tell you lucky people it is actually not a conscious choice. for me food is similar to a drug when I feel any emotion I eat its my "feel better go to" for some that's booze or drugs or even exercise. Also like any eating disorder it can be about control. for me its all of these, I need to decide what I eat and when because if you tell me I can't have it I will sure as shit want it, weather I like it or not... I will be in control,and those of you who know me know this about me. For some the weight just kinda creeps on without the person even noticing!. a few ( quite a few) years ago I lost 80 pounds and I kept it off for close to 5 years Things in my life started to fall apart and my weight just seemed to creep back up until now I have gained the weight back plus another hundred and let me tell you it feels awesome... NOT! Some of the things I dealt with in the past few years , many moves, chronic depression diagnosis, my 20 year ( abusive) marriage ending, a midlife crisis and subsequent move to England, homelessness, losing a son,  a new marriage, losing my career, and quiting smoking. As you see some of these things are very tragic and some are very happy but all cause stress and my drug of choice is food. please don't get me wrong, I don't blame anyone or thing for my weight it really is my fault that I am fat its just that I want to show what happens to some people that can't handle stress well or don't have the tools to handle it any other way. my sister Rose once said to me when I had lost that weight and spouting off all my vast wisdom on weight loss." I know the rules I am just not ready to follow them". that my friends is it in a nutshell, I knew the rules I just wasn't ready to follow

them , I am now.

This picture has nothing to do with todays blog I just think its cool that I held a snake and was smiling while doing so

My inspirations

I have many inspirational people in my life and they all inspire me for different reasons. for example,My older sister Rose has always inspired me to be the best me I can be. My boys inspire me to be smarter and funnier because they are so smart and funny...well they are smart asses anyway. today I found out that one of my most favorite people in the world who also happens to be my neice has been secretly losing weight ( well I guess its not a secret anymore) and has lost a shit load of weight she has been doing weight watchers and going to the gym, I am really proud of her. way to go Flo!!!! I also have a really good friend who lost a bunch of weight then went through a nasty divorce with an equally nasty man and did gain some of the weight back, BUT she is not giving up and will reign supreme again. she is the funniest, smartest ,and most OCD organized person I know but you gotta love her.

I have been walking three days a week with a lady from work we walk 5 km a day and by the last 10 minutes I am ready to quit but she always keeps me going. well she is going away for a few weeks so I will have to encourage myself which is never good I constantly outsmart myself its pretty embarrasing. My plan is to wear my MP3 player ( yes I admit to using MP3 and not an IPOD) and singing loudly. incidently i walk at an indoor walking track and feel all the people there should be entertained.
I have also decided that I need another activity so I am going to start going to the pool one day a week. I apparently didn't hide my swimsuit well enough and I found it. so i will keep you all posted on this activity.  well I am off to bed have a great night everyone.

 me and my OCD friend

 my amazing husband tony and I he has lost over 60 pounds since the wedding and when i lose my 140 we are getting  new wedding pictures i hate how i look in these.

my boys and I three years ago

biggest loser

Every Tuesday I watch the biggest loser and in the past I watch with chips and dip! well now I excercise during the commercials I have an aerobic step (courtesy of my amazing husband) and I do step ups and crunches and any other excercise I can think of, it is really enjoyable. Another inspirational show is CBC'S 'Taylor, Village on a diet' and a new one to A&E called 'Heavy' really interesting. my kids figure all I watch on TV is "fat" shows and "cop" shows ha ha they are actually right! have a great night

week 3 weigh in

So i started this whole eating healthy and exercizing thing Jan 1/2011 Tuesday is my weigh in day, well to date I have lost 8 pounds! so it is working. I think that I am really annoying people at work because I am constantly telling people how many calories they are eating so my new goal is to "shut the hell up" ha ha I am a bit of a busy body and need to fix that as well....any suggestions?

The Beaties

last week I found out I was type 2 diabetic. this truely sucks because a month ago i was told I have emphasema! what truely sucks about both these diagnoses is that they were both preventable. I smoked for 30 years and quit last march, I was having alot of trouble breathing after I quit and emphasema was why. the good news its not to bad for all the years smoking like a 2 out of 5, the bad news? no matter what I do it won't get better but also good news it won't get worse as long as I continue being a non smoker. the Beaties ( as my kids call it) will in fact get better and it can be eliminated by losing weight. I started the healthy lifestyle January 1 and have been doing ok. I am struggling this week and am really craving junk. I am seeing a dieticion, and a addictions counsellor, I believe I am addicted to food much like I was addicted to smoking and I need all the help I can get for this. so I am hoping that people read this and can pass on good tips and recipes for weight loss that are easy to follow. I will try and get on here everyday but at least once a week.

here I go

I started this in September last year but never did anything with it so i am starting again today. my goal is to lose 140 pounds by september 4, 2012; my 50th birthday.